Are you doing something that makes your boyfriend hate having sex with you? Being gay can make dating feel like an uphill battle. Maybe you don’t live in a very progressive part of the world. Maybe you’re still coming to terms with your orientation. Maybe you’ve never tried this before. Don’t lose hope!
As you attempt to find, attract and keep your perfect man, you often consider what turns a man on. But, no matter how much you hone your flirting skills or perfect your pillow talk, there are certain types of behavior that will sabotage all your efforts. Identifying these turnoffs will help you keep the spark alive from first encounter to a committed relationship. This guide will show you how to avoid the BIG TURN OFFS for gay partners.
Initiate conversation. The first step is always the hardest, so you’d better start practicing. Strike up conversations with guys often, even if you’re not certain they’re gay. Ask for directions, comment on a guy’s shirt, or even just smile and say “Hi.” If breaking the ice goes well, make small talk about immediately observable things (the coffee you’re drinking, the park you’re standing in, the music that’s playing, etc.). Forget canned lines; they are off-putting and tend to end, rather than start, conversations. Avoid using words that might turn him off!
Keep the conversation going by asking open-ended questions (that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”), learning about the person’s background and interests, and telling interesting stories. Be dismissive of an upcoming big sporting event, see how he responds. If he is equally negative, follow up with a comment about what you're more interested in -- movies, theater, museums, etc. If he agrees, name a movie you like, a title far afield of the big smash-mouth action movies. Now you're into common interests, two guys growing casual in their conversation.
Explore your options. Because being gay puts you in a much smaller dating pool, you might be tempted to rush into something with the first guy who seems even remotely compatible with you. Don’t let fear drive your decisions; meet lots of guys, go on plenty of dates, and don’t settle for something that doesn’t feel right.
Flirt. It may seem scary, but most flirting techniques are actually pretty straightforward. If you aren’t sure if the guy you’re talking to is gay, keep the flirting light at first; this is a good way to make your intentions clear so that you can tell whether or not you’re both on the same page. Keep your body language open and approachable by having good posture and looking relaxed. Avoid crossing your arms, covering your mouth, fidgeting, or looking down. Ask plenty of questions. Most people love talking about themselves. Have a sense of humor. Laughter is an excellent aphrodisiac – not to mention a great way to ease an awkward moment. Don’t offer your number, give it. Always have a little piece of paper and a pen on your person so that you can scribble if down quickly and without much ado. The less of a big deal you make of it, the smoother the whole thing will feel.
Leave him wanting more. If the conversation is going great but will probably wind down soon, cut it short before it gets stale. Keep it simple: “I hate to do this, but I’ve actually got to be somewhere. I’ve really enjoyed talking with you, though, so here’s my number. Let’s do this again soon!” Smile and be friendly, but don’t come on too strong or you may seem desperate; show interest in the person you’re flirting with, but stay interested in other things that are happening around you, too. Don't try to make something work that clearly won't. If a guy is vastly different from you in values, interests, and background, you’re heading down a difficult path! Trying to change someone is always a road to nowhere. Enjoy him for what he is and keep looking elsewhere. Opposites might attract, but someone like you is going to be the best long-term option as a partner!
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